Self-Reflection and Truth

People come to counselling to sort through problems that they have in life and relationships. And this usually requires that they examine their patterns and belief systems to see if they are aligned with reality.

This 'new to counselling' is an uncomfortable stage to be in. But as they say, there is no gain without pain. No one wants to look within, but this is where all the answers lie. The counsellor is the facilitator. They help you on the journey. How far you want to go is up to you. You may wish to do a little digging at first. After all, the truth hurts: Looking within can trigger shame, fear, guilt or sadness. But, it is the only real way forward. I remember booking my first counselling session. My walls were well and truly up. I was so nervous. However, I knew that I could stay in my rut with my behaviours and problems or I could decide to make some changes. According to Michael Jackson, change starts with the man in the mirror.

If you grew up in a family where truth was denied or rejected; where things were swept under the carpet. Moreover, where truth depended on who was top of the power dynamic. If morals and values were fluid in your parent’s house, it can be hard to self-reflect for the first time in your life. It can trigger the lower feelings that no one likes to sit in. To divulge these in front of a stranger can give you more anxiety. You may ask yourself, is it safe to go that deep? Can we pretend to work on things without really going there? Can I have a little relief without doing anything painful?

But the answer is of course that you can, but it only delays the real work.

We may even scorn seeing a therapist. We may even send funny memes about mental health to our friends. It certainly is a lot easier to scorn than to sit in the discomfort of doing a deep dive on our junk.

Importantly, it may just be the bravest thing that you ever do – to see a counsellor. You may dip your toe in therapy at first and then run away. This happens all the time. I started with hypnotherapy then progressed to a psychologist, then NLP, then counselling. However, you will know when the time has arrived. When things continue in a negative fashion and there is no convenient and easy solution that you can find.

Honesty is the baseline for deep work. Checking your limiting beliefs is vital. The modern world has created a lot of confusion about right and wrong and your internal conflict is really just a spotlight on that. Your true guidance system (your gut) will indicate when things are off. When the ego is at war with the soul. The soul is this guidance system. The ego is the filtered sunglasses that you view the world through. The ego develops during your upbringing and life experience. The soul is just pure love and a need to have peace and belonging. You will find it difficult to change these filters on your own. At least, I certainly did.

When you see a counsellor, I would suggest that you tell them straight away which level you are comfortable going during session. (A jolly good Vent or a Deep Dive.) Yes, I would like a light dive today please, or I would like a deeper dive over six sessions please.

As someone who has spent decades self-reflecting and becoming more aware, I can honestly say that it is the best work I have done to change my programming. A little chip away here and there progressed me to the stage of wanting to be a counsellor. I have tried so many methods over the years and I can tell you what worked for me the best – with the least resistance.

Invest in yourself. Do yourself a favour and reprogram the outmoded microchips. You know you want to. Don’t worry, I was scared at first too.

I am so glad I was brave and I kept going. I went from a reactive person - always taking everything personally, to someone who can sit back and argue with my inner-critic (monkey chatter). I am less triggered, less anger, more curious about people and their motives and I see the best in people and I love and accept myself. I didn’t before.

I don’t know what my life would look like if I hadn’t.
You can do it. Like the Pantene commercial says:
‘It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.’
 
Ghita Andersen Blog
March 2024
www.ghitaandersen.com/ghitas-blog