Quote by Anthony Hopkins
′′Let go the people who are not prepared to love you. This is the hardest thing you will have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing. Stop having hard conversations with people who don't want change.

Stop showing up for people who have no interest in your presence. I know your instinct is to do everything to earn the appreciation of those around you, but it's a boost that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health.

When you begin to fight for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you in this place. This doesn't mean you need to change what you are, it means you should let go of the people who aren't ready to accompany you.
If you are excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you don't do yourself a favor by continuing to offer your energy and your life. The truth is that you are not for everyone and not everyone is for you.

That's what makes it so special when you meet people who reciprocate love. You will know how precious you are.

The more time you spend trying to make yourself loved by someone who is unable to, the more time you waste depriving yourself of the possibility of this connection to someone else.
There are billions of people on this planet and many of them will meet with you at your level of interest and commitment. The more you stay involved with people who use you as a pillow, a background option or a therapist for emotional healing, the longer you stay away from the community you want.

Maybe if you stop showing up, you won't be wanted. Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship will end. Maybe if you stop texting your phone will stay dark for weeks. That doesn't mean you ruined the relationship, it means the only thing holding it back was the energy that only you gave to keep it. This is not love, it's attachment. It's wanting to give a chance to those who don't deserve it. You deserve so much, there are people who should not be in your life.

The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy, and both are limited. When you give your time and energy, it will define your existence. When you realize this, you begin to understand why you are so anxious when you spend time with people, in activities, places or situations that don't suit you and shouldn't be around you, your energy is stolen.

You will begin to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and for everyone around you is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else. Make your life a safe haven, in which only 'compatible' people are allowed.

You are not responsible for saving anyone. You are not responsible for convincing them to improve. It's not your work to exist for people and give your life to them! If you feel bad, if you feel compelled, you will be the root of all your problems, fearing that they will not return the favours you have granted. It's your only obligation to realize that you are the love of your destiny and accept the love you deserve.

​Decide that you deserve true friendship, commitment, true and complete love with healthy and prosperous people. Then wait and see how much everything begins to change. Don't waste time with people who are not worth it. Change will give you the love, the esteem, happiness and the protection you deserve."

​www.ghitaandersen.com

1. Schedule a date night once a week: A relaxing or enjoyable activity as a couple.
2. Allow each other some downtime after work. (Man cave, woman cave, Me Time).
3. Use positive Love Languages more. (Ghita uses the Gottman Method in couples therapy.) Marriages are a team effort. Turn towards not away.
4. Change up your predictable routines, especially those concerning your sex life and social activities.
5. Don’t put off counselling if you don’t know how to talk to each other anymore. Don’t leave it until things are irreversible (11th hour). Counsellors are not magicians.
6. Do something you enjoyed doing years ago together. Go somewhere you used to go years ago that has shared meaning.
7. Make humour part of everyday: Have a good laugh with a movie, role play or silliness. Plan fun couple and family activities.
8. Develop some common short and long-term goals together: Ask each other what your dreams are. See if there is a way to take baby steps toward these dreams and support each other.
9. Prioritise your marriage by making it a focus in your life, giving it your energy, time and attention in the same way you do with your career or children.
10. All partnerships have a ‘Marriage Jar.’ When couples are in trouble, their marriage jar is always running on empty. Two marbles go in for positive acts and words. Twice that go out for negative acts and words. See my ‘Marriage Jar’ blog: http://www.ghitaandersen.com/blog-of-ghita-andersen
11. Look at the things you use to love about your partner? What do you currently love? Focus on the positive. Shine the light on what you do like.
12. Stress and frustration push people away. Look into yourself on a deeper level to understand why you are resentful or angry. Sharing your vulnerable side with your partner creates a connection. Lack of intimacy, contempt and stonewalling ruins relationships.
13. Don’t expect your partner to give you all the love you need. Love comes in many forms from friendship, work colleague support, family networks etc. Get what you need from as many people and role models as you can. This is also important in case a partnership ever ends. Life is not a Disney Fairytale. Every person needs a community to get through life.
14. Reclaim the romance in your relationship. Without romance you have a ‘business relationship.’ When you make love with your partner, you create dopamine hormones. When physical touch gets lost and partners get out of the habit of being physically connected, these hormones diminish. A great starting point to reviving the physical side of your relationship is a hug or kiss goodbye. Take time to hug, hold hands, cuddle on the couch etc.
15. Turn your phones off from dinner time to 9pm. No excpetions!!! No social media until 9pm means that you have to talk to each other. My couples clients tell me that this one rule has changed so much about their communication.

Ghita Andersen
http://www.ghitaandersen.com/couples-counselling.html