First Session: What to Expect
Saving Marriages Since 2014
When things are not perfect in your relationships, it can be daunting to consider help, and scary to admit to friends and family. However, marriage or couples counselling is a confidential process that has been proven, time and again, to have been a lifesaver for many couples. Most couples say that it was the best investment that they ever made in their family.
In fact, 94% of couples who have undergone intensive workshops and regular couples counselling report a better relationship overall.
1st Session: A Relationship Diagnostic:
In the first session, the therapist observes interactions and asks questions. Your counsellor will look at strengths and weaknesses in your relationship dynamic and determine what is working and what is problematic in your relationship; whether couples counselling will work for you in the long-term, or whether you are better off with individual sessions. *Please keep in mind that sometimes individual sessions are recommended to help the relationship and that this is normal. For example, if one person or both parties are bringing in old relationship issues (such as mistrust) or childhood issues into the relationship, Ghita will recommend indiviual counselling for a period of time before perhaps resuming couples counselling. Please do not take this personally or as a failure. It will be for the benefit of your union as a holistic whole.
The first consultation is all about information gathering. Ghita will assess your suitability for couples counselling (stage of relationship damage), and determine which couples counselling method (Gottman, Narrative, Heart versus Ego etcetera) would best suit you as a couple. Ghita will be interested to find out more about when your relationship problems began and to hear from each of you about what you think is causing the problems. Ghita may ask about when you last felt happy together and ask you to reflect on what has changed. The aim is for both parties to feel equally heard.
Steps in Marriage Counselling:
Ghita focuses on the commitment and connection of a couple. To help demystify what couples therapy entails, Ghita has outlined her methods in the steps below.
Commitment is Critical
Commitment is one of the “weight-bearing walls” of Dr. John Gottman’s Sound Relationship House. It’s about demonstrating through your words and actions that you are in the relationship for better or for worse, and that you can count on each other. Commitment is critical regardless of your relationship status, whether you’re dating, cohabiting, or married. Without commitment, couples begin to nurture resentment for what they think is missing in their relationship instead of nurturing gratitude for what they have. Commitment levels will be determined in the first session relationship diagnostic.
“Commitment is about choice. And it’s not just choosing your partner. It’s about choosing the relationship, day after day.”
When things are not perfect in your relationships, it can be daunting to consider help, and scary to admit to friends and family. However, marriage or couples counselling is a confidential process that has been proven, time and again, to have been a lifesaver for many couples. Most couples say that it was the best investment that they ever made in their family.
In fact, 94% of couples who have undergone intensive workshops and regular couples counselling report a better relationship overall.
1st Session: A Relationship Diagnostic:
In the first session, the therapist observes interactions and asks questions. Your counsellor will look at strengths and weaknesses in your relationship dynamic and determine what is working and what is problematic in your relationship; whether couples counselling will work for you in the long-term, or whether you are better off with individual sessions. *Please keep in mind that sometimes individual sessions are recommended to help the relationship and that this is normal. For example, if one person or both parties are bringing in old relationship issues (such as mistrust) or childhood issues into the relationship, Ghita will recommend indiviual counselling for a period of time before perhaps resuming couples counselling. Please do not take this personally or as a failure. It will be for the benefit of your union as a holistic whole.
- Both of you will tell your story – get a few things off your chest and be heard – perhaps for the first time in years.
- Ghita will ask you to decide (as a team) what you want to achieve in therapy and what needs to be urgently tackled first.
The first consultation is all about information gathering. Ghita will assess your suitability for couples counselling (stage of relationship damage), and determine which couples counselling method (Gottman, Narrative, Heart versus Ego etcetera) would best suit you as a couple. Ghita will be interested to find out more about when your relationship problems began and to hear from each of you about what you think is causing the problems. Ghita may ask about when you last felt happy together and ask you to reflect on what has changed. The aim is for both parties to feel equally heard.
Steps in Marriage Counselling:
Ghita focuses on the commitment and connection of a couple. To help demystify what couples therapy entails, Ghita has outlined her methods in the steps below.
- Is the couple committed to their relationship (Yes or No?)
- If Yes: Discover core reasons for the insecurities each partner has with the other.
- Identify historical issues and how they trigger conflicts in your day to day life
- Encourage safe, honest and frequent communication
- Explore your expectations of yourself and each other
- Bond the 'Team' and rediscover trust and honesty with each other
- Create new mutual goals and boundaries
- Create a few basic ground rules to support the marriage
- Work towards intimacy with each other
- Maintenance of communication skills like 'Active Listening'
- Top ups: Revisit any issues that come up post-counselling
Commitment is Critical
Commitment is one of the “weight-bearing walls” of Dr. John Gottman’s Sound Relationship House. It’s about demonstrating through your words and actions that you are in the relationship for better or for worse, and that you can count on each other. Commitment is critical regardless of your relationship status, whether you’re dating, cohabiting, or married. Without commitment, couples begin to nurture resentment for what they think is missing in their relationship instead of nurturing gratitude for what they have. Commitment levels will be determined in the first session relationship diagnostic.
“Commitment is about choice. And it’s not just choosing your partner. It’s about choosing the relationship, day after day.”
2nd SESSION:
Couples counselling can be a daunting process because there are two sets of opinions needing to be heard, therefore it is important that you both trust and feel able to open up to your counsellor. Ghita may introduce exercises during the second session and begin to target current issues that are most urgent. A common issue for couples is communication problems. *Please book a longer session if you feel that your story is complicated or if you want to start workshops straight away.
Relationship Repair Will Take on Average Between 4-8 Sessions
NOTE: Counsellors cannot repair a relationship that has take years to become problematic in one session. Please expect to invest in your relationship repair over several sessions.
Methods:
Ghita will decide on the most appropriate method depending on your situation. Here is a general guide:
Before booking your appointment session time please prefill your intake forms and read 'Preparing for Couples Counselling.' This is so that your therapist can ascertain whether couples counselling is the right way forward (Sometimes individual counselling is more productive), and so that you will know more about the process and what to expect on the day.
Because Couples Counselling is a personal process, it is important to remember that there is an initial Free 10 Minute Phone Consultation available to help you decide whether couples counselling would be a helpful for you as a couple. Call Ghita today on 0439 888 070.
Couples counselling can be a daunting process because there are two sets of opinions needing to be heard, therefore it is important that you both trust and feel able to open up to your counsellor. Ghita may introduce exercises during the second session and begin to target current issues that are most urgent. A common issue for couples is communication problems. *Please book a longer session if you feel that your story is complicated or if you want to start workshops straight away.
Relationship Repair Will Take on Average Between 4-8 Sessions
NOTE: Counsellors cannot repair a relationship that has take years to become problematic in one session. Please expect to invest in your relationship repair over several sessions.
Methods:
Ghita will decide on the most appropriate method depending on your situation. Here is a general guide:
- Gottman: General Marriage Issues such as Communication Problems, Infidelity, Blame etc.
- Heart versus Ego - Andersen Method: Power Imbalances, Self-Sabotage, Infidelity
- Narrative Therapy: Second Marriages, Step-Children and Extended Family Interference
Before booking your appointment session time please prefill your intake forms and read 'Preparing for Couples Counselling.' This is so that your therapist can ascertain whether couples counselling is the right way forward (Sometimes individual counselling is more productive), and so that you will know more about the process and what to expect on the day.
Because Couples Counselling is a personal process, it is important to remember that there is an initial Free 10 Minute Phone Consultation available to help you decide whether couples counselling would be a helpful for you as a couple. Call Ghita today on 0439 888 070.
Family Violence Screening: Couples Counselling is not Appropriate for Abusive Relationships: If there is any history of domestic violence (including chronic verbal abuse) or DVO's we ask you to book in for Individual Counselling. Couples Counselling requires calmness, commitment and cooperation. See our Ebook: How to Recognise the Signs of Family Violence
Sorry, No Children: Please understand that professional therapists DO NOT ALLOW CHILDREN IN SESSIONS for the reasons of disruption to the therapeutic process, damage to persons and property, public liability insurance limitations and second floor locations. If you do bring children/ babies with you your appointment may be cancelled and charged for. Please organise a baby-sitter well in advance.
Compulsory Reading: 'Preparing for Couples Counselling'
Defensiveness: If One Party Starts to Blame the Counsellor: If one person is triggered by the therapist probing into the relationship, or is upset by questions asking them to reveal their thoughts and motives (which are necessary), and turns on the therapist, the session is over. Counsellors deserve to work in a safe environment. Any intimidation, bullying, anger or put-downs aimed at the counsellor will end the session.
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