couples counselling.
★★★★★ Couples Counselling Testimonial: "My psychologist recommended you as some of her clients had done couples counselling and said that you were very direct and got straight into doing the work of unpacking the issues. I thought that was just what we needed for our situation. We didn't want the type of approach that would take weeks to make any progress. Thanks Ghita." Angela (Currumbin).
Important: Couples Counselling is Not Appropriate Where a Relationship is Abusive: Couples therapy often requires tough conversations which can result in big emotions and uncomfortable self-disclosure. If your relationship is abusive, it may not suitable or safe for the cooperation involved with joint-counselling. Consider that counsellors have to work in a safe, respectful environment and have their own emotional balance and reputations to consider.
Common Reasons for Couples Therapy
Regardless of how long you have been married, or the nature of your marital problems, marriage counselling can offer huge benefits to a married couple. Even when your problems don’t seem that major or significant, marriage counselling can still benefit a couple striving to maintain a successful marriage – in fact, marriage counselling is best commenced before conflict becomes entrenched. Nonetheless, marriage counselling can help to repair damaged marriages, or in cases where the parties don’t want to continue, can ease the process of separation towards mediation.
Many couples decide to come to counselling to learn to deal with conflict and arguments. Common issues include:
Ghita Therapy Methods
Ghita uses a combination of the following methods:
Regardless of how long you have been married, or the nature of your marital problems, marriage counselling can offer huge benefits to a married couple. Even when your problems don’t seem that major or significant, marriage counselling can still benefit a couple striving to maintain a successful marriage – in fact, marriage counselling is best commenced before conflict becomes entrenched. Nonetheless, marriage counselling can help to repair damaged marriages, or in cases where the parties don’t want to continue, can ease the process of separation towards mediation.
Many couples decide to come to counselling to learn to deal with conflict and arguments. Common issues include:
- Trust has been compromised in your relationship
- You’re not feeling heard
- You feel unacknowledged or under-appreciated
- You or your partner have become distant or withdrawn, anxious or clingy
- You are trying to repair things after an affair
- You or your partner have lost interest in sex
- The roles you have taken on (spouse, parent, bread winner) are not what you expected
- You’ve lost a sense of identity in the relationship
- Anger or stonewalling have become the predominate way you or your partner communicate
- There is a lot of blame and a lack of responsibility
Ghita Therapy Methods
Ghita uses a combination of the following methods:
- Gottman Method - Active Listening Exercises, Love Maps
- Heart Versus Ego - Andersen Method - Are You Acting From Heart or Ego?
- Narrative Therapy - Ideal for second marriages, complex families
- 5 Love Languages: How to speak your lover's love language
★★★★★ Couples Counselling Testimonial: "Since seeing you last week things have been great and it looks like we are back on track. We have reconnected amazingly over the weekend. Thank you." Ryan and Kimberly, (Couples Counselling). Elanora.
How Does Therapy Improve Communication Skills in Couples?
One of the areas where marriage counselling can definitely benefit a married couple is in the arena of communication skills. Relationships are one of the most difficult things we attempt as humans and communicating with each other is one of the single most problematic areas for many married couples. Working with a marriage counsellor such as Ghita can help each partner to learn to more carefully listen to what is being communicated to them, to reflect that message back to their partner and to then carefully proceed to send their own message back to their spouse. This process is called “active listening” and is one of the most effective communication techniques ever taught to couples.
"It's not always rainbows and butterflies. It's compromise that moves us along." - Adam Levine
One of the areas where marriage counselling can definitely benefit a married couple is in the arena of communication skills. Relationships are one of the most difficult things we attempt as humans and communicating with each other is one of the single most problematic areas for many married couples. Working with a marriage counsellor such as Ghita can help each partner to learn to more carefully listen to what is being communicated to them, to reflect that message back to their partner and to then carefully proceed to send their own message back to their spouse. This process is called “active listening” and is one of the most effective communication techniques ever taught to couples.
"It's not always rainbows and butterflies. It's compromise that moves us along." - Adam Levine
How Long should the First Session be?
For couples experiencing relationship problems, the average length of sessions is between 1 and 3 hours. Clients can decide how long they will need for the first session.
How Long does Therapy Take?
Most couples come for a few sessions and then book in for top-ups as required.
What if we Have Tried Couples Counselling Before and it Wasn't Successful?
Couples counselling is a process that requires clients to open up and to commit to the proven formulas designed by top researchers in relationships. It does require an open heart and full trust in the professionalism of your therapist. If you don't like their approach or method, you can shop around for a better fit. We understand that it is very 'personal' and it does make people feel vulnerable and uncomfortable - afterall secrets come out and the therapist has to unpack belief systems and often a lot of mistrust. We are not magicians however, and damage that has taken years to evolve may or may not be able to be undone. If we believe that your relationship is beyond the 11th hour we will recommend a mediation service for you to help you through the separation process. It may help to read some of the information below:
Relationship Top-Ups
It is highly recommended to have top-up sessions from time to time, or as required. Some couples use this formula to stop old habits reforming, or just to stay as loving and supportive as possible.
How Much are the Fees?
Ghita Therapy charges $200 per hour. *Please note that Medicare does not rebate couples counselling in Australia, so a doctor's referral is only suitable for individuals.
For couples experiencing relationship problems, the average length of sessions is between 1 and 3 hours. Clients can decide how long they will need for the first session.
How Long does Therapy Take?
Most couples come for a few sessions and then book in for top-ups as required.
What if we Have Tried Couples Counselling Before and it Wasn't Successful?
Couples counselling is a process that requires clients to open up and to commit to the proven formulas designed by top researchers in relationships. It does require an open heart and full trust in the professionalism of your therapist. If you don't like their approach or method, you can shop around for a better fit. We understand that it is very 'personal' and it does make people feel vulnerable and uncomfortable - afterall secrets come out and the therapist has to unpack belief systems and often a lot of mistrust. We are not magicians however, and damage that has taken years to evolve may or may not be able to be undone. If we believe that your relationship is beyond the 11th hour we will recommend a mediation service for you to help you through the separation process. It may help to read some of the information below:
Relationship Top-Ups
It is highly recommended to have top-up sessions from time to time, or as required. Some couples use this formula to stop old habits reforming, or just to stay as loving and supportive as possible.
How Much are the Fees?
Ghita Therapy charges $200 per hour. *Please note that Medicare does not rebate couples counselling in Australia, so a doctor's referral is only suitable for individuals.
Good Advice for Couples:
When the Honeymoon is Over
It’s easy to be considerate and loving to your partner when everything is going well, the sun is shining, and employment is high. But when the power bill has not been paid, you’re tired or emotional, and your partner is getting cranky and blaming you for the problems in their life, that is when you get tested.
No Magic Wand at the 11th Hour
Counsellors cannot be expected to ‘fix’ a relationship where a lot of damage has been done over many years. Counsellors cannot make one person cooperate if they don’t want to. If one party is about to walk out, is hostile to the process or therapist, or has already walked out of a relationship, there may be little that we can do. Furthermore, if there is any family (domestic) violence in a relationship the partners are better off having individual counselling and working on their issues alone before they spend money on repairing their marriage or de facto relationship. If the family violence is more than verbal abuse a counsellor may consider the relationship to be irrepairable and recommend mediation.
“The more you believe that your partner should be different, the less initiative you will take to change the patterns between you.” - Ghita
Renegotiating Marital Agreements: The Chore Wars
Another benefit of marriage counselling is that it can be an opportunity to renegotiate marital agreements that were made in the past. Often, it can be difficult for a couple to approach marriage agreements (agreements about roles, responsibilities, household chores, finances, etc). Often these agreements have been reached at the beginning of a relationship at a time when we were younger and perhaps less experienced in life and in marriage. However, over time, our needs and desires may change and the role we were once comfortable in may become restrictive or uncomfortable.
A prime example of this is a spouse who has agreed to set aside their own career in order to raise a family, allowing the other spouse to focus their attention on being the primary breadwinner for the family. While the family is young, this may be an entirely comfortable and even enjoyable agreement. However, once the children grow older and begin to be more independent, either as teenagers or into early adulthood, the stay-at-home spouse may want to return to the workforce at least part time.
Approaching changing this agreement may be difficult because it may upset the family balance or financial arrangements. By working with Ghita, marital agreements can be approached and renegotiated with her mediator’s presence. Additionally, she may be able to offer suggestions that may not have occurred to the couple that may ease the negotiations or the transition to a new agreement.
How to Reconnect with Each Other
One issue that couples may bring to marriage counselling is a desire to reconnect and recommit to their marriage. If you have been married for a number of years, it can be challenging to come up with new and innovative ways to reconnect. Over time, we become settled in a rhythm and routine that may eventually become mundane and even boring. Several sessions with a marriage counsellor or psychologist can help a married couple look at each other with fresh eyes.
Very often, Ghita will give weekly assignments to be completed between sessions to aid the process towards restored intimacy and reconnection. These assignments can be as simple as having a date night instead of eating at home every evening, or as intimate as asking a couple to engage in sexual activities they might find exciting and imaginative. With a new vision of each other and increased feelings of intimacy and emotional commitment, a couple may feel more reconnected to each other and encourage them to recommit to their marriage.
It's important to remember that there is an initial free 10 minute phone consultation available to help you decide whether Ghita would be a good fit for you. And you can read about what to expect from your couples session or try the Couples Quiz. Call Ghita today on 0439 888 070.
When the Honeymoon is Over
It’s easy to be considerate and loving to your partner when everything is going well, the sun is shining, and employment is high. But when the power bill has not been paid, you’re tired or emotional, and your partner is getting cranky and blaming you for the problems in their life, that is when you get tested.
No Magic Wand at the 11th Hour
Counsellors cannot be expected to ‘fix’ a relationship where a lot of damage has been done over many years. Counsellors cannot make one person cooperate if they don’t want to. If one party is about to walk out, is hostile to the process or therapist, or has already walked out of a relationship, there may be little that we can do. Furthermore, if there is any family (domestic) violence in a relationship the partners are better off having individual counselling and working on their issues alone before they spend money on repairing their marriage or de facto relationship. If the family violence is more than verbal abuse a counsellor may consider the relationship to be irrepairable and recommend mediation.
“The more you believe that your partner should be different, the less initiative you will take to change the patterns between you.” - Ghita
Renegotiating Marital Agreements: The Chore Wars
Another benefit of marriage counselling is that it can be an opportunity to renegotiate marital agreements that were made in the past. Often, it can be difficult for a couple to approach marriage agreements (agreements about roles, responsibilities, household chores, finances, etc). Often these agreements have been reached at the beginning of a relationship at a time when we were younger and perhaps less experienced in life and in marriage. However, over time, our needs and desires may change and the role we were once comfortable in may become restrictive or uncomfortable.
A prime example of this is a spouse who has agreed to set aside their own career in order to raise a family, allowing the other spouse to focus their attention on being the primary breadwinner for the family. While the family is young, this may be an entirely comfortable and even enjoyable agreement. However, once the children grow older and begin to be more independent, either as teenagers or into early adulthood, the stay-at-home spouse may want to return to the workforce at least part time.
Approaching changing this agreement may be difficult because it may upset the family balance or financial arrangements. By working with Ghita, marital agreements can be approached and renegotiated with her mediator’s presence. Additionally, she may be able to offer suggestions that may not have occurred to the couple that may ease the negotiations or the transition to a new agreement.
How to Reconnect with Each Other
One issue that couples may bring to marriage counselling is a desire to reconnect and recommit to their marriage. If you have been married for a number of years, it can be challenging to come up with new and innovative ways to reconnect. Over time, we become settled in a rhythm and routine that may eventually become mundane and even boring. Several sessions with a marriage counsellor or psychologist can help a married couple look at each other with fresh eyes.
Very often, Ghita will give weekly assignments to be completed between sessions to aid the process towards restored intimacy and reconnection. These assignments can be as simple as having a date night instead of eating at home every evening, or as intimate as asking a couple to engage in sexual activities they might find exciting and imaginative. With a new vision of each other and increased feelings of intimacy and emotional commitment, a couple may feel more reconnected to each other and encourage them to recommit to their marriage.
It's important to remember that there is an initial free 10 minute phone consultation available to help you decide whether Ghita would be a good fit for you. And you can read about what to expect from your couples session or try the Couples Quiz. Call Ghita today on 0439 888 070.
Copyright 2019 Ghita Andersen. Photos by Ghita Andersen and Freepix
