Heart versus Ego: Is it Loving? Or Not?
★★★★★ Testimonial Marriage Counselling: I was convinced that we were separating and it was too late. I was of the mindset to leave, but one hour turned it around for us. This session was very different. Ghita nailed our problem and made us negotiate. After many years of arguing over the same thing, she showed us how to do deals. We negotiated our personal time and even had a contingency plan for when things went wrong. We both agree this session was nothing like what we expected. Thank you Ghita. - J & A Tovey. (Hope Island)
About the Andersen Couples Therapy Method
Heart versus Ego (The Andersen Method) is a method that takes all the best couples therapy methods and combines them in an holistic mix. This mix is designed to help clients in marriage counselling to see their problems in a new light, to know what the norms are for Australian marital relationships, and to assist partners to communicate their emotional needs in a non-competitive way - operating from the Higher-Self rather than the Ego.
The Andersen Method Combines the Best of the Best - Worldwide:
Another benefit of Heart versus Ego counselling is that it can be an opportunity to renegotiate marital agreements. Often, it can be difficult for a couple to approach agreements about roles, responsibilities, household chores, finances, etc. Often any assumptions about roles at the beginning of a relationship can change when children come into the equation, and a duo becomes a trio. The parental roles people expect of their partners may not be the same as what the partner thinks is reasonable for a spouse or parent. These ideas and miscommunications can cause a lot of unhappiness.
Although, it may not seem like it, a crisis in a relationship can be a good thing, because it allows partners to reconfigure their relationship and to negotiate something better than before. In counselling, the aim is for both parties to feel equally heard, to work together as a solid ‘team’ and to gather communication skills that build intimacy and understanding.
Working with a relationship coach such as Ghita can help partners to learn to listen to what is being communicated to them, to reflect that message back to their partner and to then carefully proceed to send their own message back to their spouse. This process is called ‘Active (or Reflective) Listening’ and is one of the most effective communication techniques ever taught to couples. Ghita will teach and encourage you to become a better listeners and to better articulate your needs. This will also help you to gain a greater understanding of each other’s needs and concerns, and so avoid falling into a spiral of negative communication.
Heart versus Ego (The Andersen Method) is a method that takes all the best couples therapy methods and combines them in an holistic mix. This mix is designed to help clients in marriage counselling to see their problems in a new light, to know what the norms are for Australian marital relationships, and to assist partners to communicate their emotional needs in a non-competitive way - operating from the Higher-Self rather than the Ego.
The Andersen Method Combines the Best of the Best - Worldwide:
- Gottman Marriage Therapy (John and Julie Gottman, USA) - The Sound Relationship House/ 4 Horseman of the Apocalypse. Gottman Method
- Carl Rogers - Active / Reflective Listening (USA) - How to Complain Constructively, How to be Heard/ Listen Actively
- Family Dispute Resolution (Australia, UK & NZ) De-escalating Conflict and Stating Your Needs, Objective Rather Than Subjective (Removing Emotions)
- Esther Perel Methods (Belgium) - Infidelity (Why it Happens), The Gender Currencies, Motivations of Men and Women
- Family Therapy by Virginia Satir: The dynamics of family
- 5 Love Languages (Gary Chapman, USA) - You and Your Partner's Love Language
- Narrative Therapy (Michael White and David Epston, NZ) - Externalising Problems to be Problems to be Worked on. Narrative Therapy
- Ghita Andersen: Heart versus Ego Method (Australia) Operating from the Higher-Self, Negotiating Marital Agreements and Pre-Marital Contracts, The Relationship Triangle Concept, Codewords for Couples, Eye Gazing Exercise, Acting from Heart Not Ego: Benefit of Doubt, Arguing with Your Monkey Chatter. Heart Versus Ego Pre-Marriage Preparation Course
- Neuro-Linguistic Programming (Richard Bandler, John Grinder, USA) - The Language Influence: How to Talk to Your Spouse, How to Reframe.
Another benefit of Heart versus Ego counselling is that it can be an opportunity to renegotiate marital agreements. Often, it can be difficult for a couple to approach agreements about roles, responsibilities, household chores, finances, etc. Often any assumptions about roles at the beginning of a relationship can change when children come into the equation, and a duo becomes a trio. The parental roles people expect of their partners may not be the same as what the partner thinks is reasonable for a spouse or parent. These ideas and miscommunications can cause a lot of unhappiness.
Although, it may not seem like it, a crisis in a relationship can be a good thing, because it allows partners to reconfigure their relationship and to negotiate something better than before. In counselling, the aim is for both parties to feel equally heard, to work together as a solid ‘team’ and to gather communication skills that build intimacy and understanding.
Working with a relationship coach such as Ghita can help partners to learn to listen to what is being communicated to them, to reflect that message back to their partner and to then carefully proceed to send their own message back to their spouse. This process is called ‘Active (or Reflective) Listening’ and is one of the most effective communication techniques ever taught to couples. Ghita will teach and encourage you to become a better listeners and to better articulate your needs. This will also help you to gain a greater understanding of each other’s needs and concerns, and so avoid falling into a spiral of negative communication.
★★★★★ Feedback Testimonial Marriage Counselling 2022
We had been to Couples Counselling before with another counsellor. We felt we were being sold a package last time rather than doing the work, so we did not achieve much. I was convinced that we were separating and it was too late. This session was very different. Ghita nailed our problem and made us negotiate. After many years of arguing over the same thing, she showed us how to do deals. We should have done a pre-marital agreement long ago. I can see that now. I was of the mindset to leave, but one hour turned it around for us. We negotiated our personal time and even had a contingency plan for when things went wrong. Our homework was to fill in a full agreement covering all the other points we did not cover in session and to stick this on the back of a cupboard door. We both agree this session was nothing like what we expected. Thank you Ghita. - Jessica & Andrew. (Hope Island Gold Coast)
Questions for partners:
Heart Versus Ego Exercises:
The overall goals of the Heart versus Ego Method is to assist couples in achieving a balance of male and female elements in the union (without one dominating), an awareness and empathy towards each other and a good understanding and respect for the other partner's contributions to the relationship. In practicing this method, couples experience an increase in intimacy, affection and interpersonal growth.
How Much Have You Invested in Your Relationship?
It takes a lot of courage to book in for Couples Counselling, and we applaud that, but it may be the best investment you ever make in your relationship or family. If you are serious about getting marriage/ couples counselling please read our happy stories on our Reviews and Testimonials page...
So, before you book with anyone else, do yourself a favour and have a quick, no obligation chat with Ghita. Alternatively, read our 20 Things to Consider Before Booking List.
Please feel free to text Ghita for a Free 10 Minute Call-Back on 0439 888 070.
- Am I acting from my heart or from my ego? What does my higher-self say?
- How can I reframe what I am saying to get my needs met and yet be fair?
- Is my language inclusive or divisive?
- How can I meet my partner half way, and not dominate, punish or parent them?
- Are my expectations of my partner realistic?
- What are my gender role expectations of my partner? Are my expectations too rigid, old fashioned (traditional), or are the standards too high for who they are?
- Do I give enough time to working on my marriage?: [It takes time to create a relationship that flourishes and this must be a long-term goal.]
- Do I love my partner unconditionally, or do I see love as a business type arrangement? I.e: I do things for you and in return you do things for me.
- Am I disappointed in my partner’s performance, or have events changed to the extent where I require more of them?
- Am I prepared to work and focus on my part of the equation, rather than focusing on what my partner is doing wrong?
- Am I trying to change my partner because I ignored the red flags (value differences, gender role expectations) when we were just dating?
- What is my partner’s love language and how can I love them in a way that makes them prosper and blossom?
- Does my partner understand my life goals?: My timeline for my adult life? My dreams and aspirations?
- Do I see marriage as a separate entity (*narrative therapy) and something to be worked on?
- Are we working as a ‘team’ [Example: Team Andersen] or are we two independent people living together?
Heart Versus Ego Exercises:
- Heart activation exercise – no talking – only feeling into each others hearts and activating the compassion within.
- Eye gazing and hand holding
- Reframing communication: Active/ Reflective Listening
- Love languages Quiz: Asking the questions of how my partner wants to be loved and responds to my idea of love
- Dreams and Goals exercise: Each person to write down their inner-most dreams and lifespan goals: AKA: Their perfect relationship: What does it look like?
The overall goals of the Heart versus Ego Method is to assist couples in achieving a balance of male and female elements in the union (without one dominating), an awareness and empathy towards each other and a good understanding and respect for the other partner's contributions to the relationship. In practicing this method, couples experience an increase in intimacy, affection and interpersonal growth.
How Much Have You Invested in Your Relationship?
It takes a lot of courage to book in for Couples Counselling, and we applaud that, but it may be the best investment you ever make in your relationship or family. If you are serious about getting marriage/ couples counselling please read our happy stories on our Reviews and Testimonials page...
So, before you book with anyone else, do yourself a favour and have a quick, no obligation chat with Ghita. Alternatively, read our 20 Things to Consider Before Booking List.
Please feel free to text Ghita for a Free 10 Minute Call-Back on 0439 888 070.
★★★★★ Couples Counselling Testimonial: "We got married! Ghita, thank you so much for what you have done for our family!" Mr & Mrs Lees (36 and 39), (Couples Counselling), Gold Coast.
★★★★★ Text Testimonial: Marriage Counselling:
'My psychologist recommended you as some of her clients had done couples counselling and said that you were very direct and got straight into doing the work of unpacking the issues. I thought that was just what we needed for our situation. We didn't want the type of approach that would take weeks to make any progress. Thank you so much Ghita.' - Angela (Currumbin).
Couples Counselling Testimonial: "Since seeing you last week things have been great and it looks like we are back on track. We have reconnected amazingly over the weekend. Thank you." Ryan and Kimberly, (Couples Counselling, Elanora).
Copyright 2023 Ghita Andersen. Images by Freepik. #ghitaandersen