Pre-Marital Workshop:
Why should we do premarital counseling? We get along great and we love each other. What more do we need to know before we get married?
If you are one of the many couples wondering if pre-marital counselling is really necessary for you, then stop and consider this fact: 'Marital research has shown a 30% lower rate of divorce in couples who have participated in pre-marital counselling and a strong marriage positively affects a person’s level of happiness, physical health and emotional well-being for years.'
In successful marriages, partners are more positive than negative about one another. However, not all marital arguments can be resolved.
A happy marriage builds upon (Gottman & Silver, 1999):
Is Pre-Marital Counselling Common?
Yes, because marriage is a big investment (emotionally and financially), and failure comes at a high cost. Did you know that 44% of couples who get married today agree to pre-marital counselling? A pre-marital counsellor will, ultimately, tailor the questions and sessions to your unique situation and relationship – and give you the space to discuss with the guidance of a non-judgmental third party.
Divorce Statistics Australia (2016 - Bureau of Statistics):
How Long Does it Take?
The average time couples spend in pre-marital counselling before getting married is 2-3 hours. This can be done in a 3 hour workshop.
If you are one of the many couples wondering if pre-marital counselling is really necessary for you, then stop and consider this fact: 'Marital research has shown a 30% lower rate of divorce in couples who have participated in pre-marital counselling and a strong marriage positively affects a person’s level of happiness, physical health and emotional well-being for years.'
In successful marriages, partners are more positive than negative about one another. However, not all marital arguments can be resolved.
A happy marriage builds upon (Gottman & Silver, 1999):
- Friendship rather than fighting (Deep friendship is at the heart of the marriage).
- Seeing the good in your partner (Giving them the benefit of the doubt)
- High levels of trust and total commitment maintain the relationship.
- Capacity to repair (A healthy companionship supports repair following disagreements and conflict).
- Marriage purpose (A partnership has a purpose, where each supports the other’s hopes and dreams).
Is Pre-Marital Counselling Common?
Yes, because marriage is a big investment (emotionally and financially), and failure comes at a high cost. Did you know that 44% of couples who get married today agree to pre-marital counselling? A pre-marital counsellor will, ultimately, tailor the questions and sessions to your unique situation and relationship – and give you the space to discuss with the guidance of a non-judgmental third party.
Divorce Statistics Australia (2016 - Bureau of Statistics):
- 1 in 3 marriages (33%) end in divorce
- The peak of the divorce rate was at 4 years
- 77% of couples co-habitate before marriage
- Up to 65% of second marriages end in divorce
How Long Does it Take?
The average time couples spend in pre-marital counselling before getting married is 2-3 hours. This can be done in a 3 hour workshop.
★★★★★ Testimonial: "Since seeing you last week things have been great and it looks like we are back on track. We have connected amazingly over the weekend. Thank you." Ryan and Kimberly, (Pre-Marital Couples Counselling). Elanora.
★★★★★ Feedback Testimonial Marriage Counselling 2022
We had been to Couples Counselling before with another counsellor. We felt we were being sold a package last time rather than doing the work, so we did not achieve much. I was convinced that we were separating and it was too late. This session was very different. Ghita nailed our problem and made us negotiate. After many years of arguing over the same thing, she showed us how to do deals. We should have done a pre-marital agreement long ago. I can see that now. I was of the mindset to leave, but one hour turned it around for us. We negotiated our personal time and even had a contingency plan for when things went wrong. Our homework was to fill in a full agreement covering all the other points we did not cover in session and to stick this on the back of a cupboard door. We both agree this session was nothing like what we expected. Thank you Ghita. - Jessica & Andrew. (Hope Island Gold Coast)
Marriage Counselling Testimonial: We got married! Ghita, thank you so much for what you have done for our family!" Mr & Mrs Lees (Pre-Marital Couples Counselling, Currumbin Waters).
In Pre-Marital Counselling Couples Learn About:
More Sessions:
You Will Learn to:
HOUR 1: Write your Pre-Marital Agreement
HOUR 2: Learn Your Love Languages and Rituals for Intimacy
HOUR 3: Learn to Resolve Conflict
- Love Languages
- Finances
- Communication and Conflict Resoution
- Beliefs, values and standards
- Marriage roles (husband / wife role expectations)
- Affection, intimacy and sex
- Children and parenting
- Extended family relationships
- Decision making
- Life Dreams and Goals
- Household chore division
- Social Life
- Holidays
- Relationship 'Deal Breakers' (Extra-marital Affairs etc.)
More Sessions:
You Will Learn to:
HOUR 1: Write your Pre-Marital Agreement
- Explore and list your expectations of the relationship over time
- Marriage Roles (husband / wife role expectations), Values, Chores, Deal Breakers, Parental Responsibilities, Family, Culture etc.
HOUR 2: Learn Your Love Languages and Rituals for Intimacy
- Develop rituals that deepen your sense of closeness
- Identify effective strategies for affair protection
- Learn about the Marriage Jar: Work on the marriage
- Come to understand your partner’s Love Language for experiencing affirmation from you.
- Develop a freedom to talk about your sexual intimacy together
HOUR 3: Learn to Resolve Conflict
- Communicate effectively
- Resolve conflict and reduce fighting dramatically: Reflective Listening
- Learn about a united teamwork: Lean in not away: Speak with heart not ego
Glitches Before the Big Day
If you are concerned already that you have some glitches in your relationship, that’s not necessarily a reason to avoid getting married. Don’t give up until you have invited a pre-marital counsellor to look at the blind spots that might need fine tuning to help you feel confident in your connection.
Many couples encounter some typical upsets during their engagement that simply require:
Successful Pre-Marital Counselling
Based on our experience, the most successful clients attend every appointment; so make your appointments a priority.
Fees: 3 Hour Relationship Preparation Session: $600
*Includes worksheets and teas and coffees.
Call Ghita Andersen for a chat today on 0439888070
If you are concerned already that you have some glitches in your relationship, that’s not necessarily a reason to avoid getting married. Don’t give up until you have invited a pre-marital counsellor to look at the blind spots that might need fine tuning to help you feel confident in your connection.
Many couples encounter some typical upsets during their engagement that simply require:
- Learning better ways to talk about conflicts
- Agreeing to call timeouts until you both can be more objective in solving problems
- Making sure that you are “getting your partner” and vice versa
- Appreciating your cultural differences
- Grasping the best ways to deal with potential differing in-law expectations
- Moving out of singlehood into habits that build secure marriages
- Dealing with any concerns about
- Verbal or physical abuse
- Potential alcohol or drug abuse
- Problematic withdrawal patterns.
Successful Pre-Marital Counselling
Based on our experience, the most successful clients attend every appointment; so make your appointments a priority.
- Be willing to take risks and try new things. (You are going to learn new skills, some of which may seem unfamiliar at first. Commit to trying them out.)
- Prepare for each session. (This is a vital opportunity for your marriage; take it. Come prepared with a list of what you want to discuss and any changes since the last session.)
- Provide direct and honest feedback. Be open and honest about what is, and what still needs work.
Fees: 3 Hour Relationship Preparation Session: $600
*Includes worksheets and teas and coffees.
Call Ghita Andersen for a chat today on 0439888070
Workshop Case Study:
JUSTIN AND AESHA: A story of different values
Justin and Aesha have known each other for about 1 year and been dating for about six months. Although they come from vastly different cultures, her family is Indian and his family is Anglo-Australian, they are deeply in love and plan to get married. Since they have not known each other a very long time, friends and family have suggested that a premarital counselling would be a good idea before they make any final commitment to each other.
As Justin and Aesha attend their workshop, they are both a bit anxious. They have never attended therapy or counselling and do not know what to expect. As they meet their pre-marriage counsellor for the first time, they are happy to find that they have a good rapport with Ghita and she is easy to talk to. Justin and Aesha are particularly assured after she carefully explains how she works with couples and her policy of ‘no secrets’ during the couples counselling process.
Aesha and Justin each talk about their experience of growing up, about family expectations around spiritual and religious beliefs and their values. Although Justin has spent time with Aesha’s family, he is surprised at the degree to which Aesha feels strongly about her Hindu religious beliefs and that she wants her children to have the benefit of everyday rituals. On the other hand, when Justin thinks of his own haphazard Anglican upbringing he admits to feeling a bit intimidated.
In the pre-marital plan, Ghita suggests that Justin and Aesha consider making an agreement regarding the religious upbringing of their children. At first, Justin and Aesha thought the suggestion was a little premature, however after some discussion, they both acknowledged that the issue of children and religion was hugely significant, especially to Aesha, and that one of the reasons they had decided to come to premarriage counselling in the first place was to address any major issues that might come up.
Consequently, a resolution about some of the big issues proved to be extremely difficult and fraught with emotion for both Aesha and Justin, and they were glad they had Ghita’s assistance to work through the problem. Yet through these discussions, Justin also discovered that if they made a decision to raise their children in the Hindu tradition, their decision would have ramifications for Justin and his family.
Through a budgeting exercise, Aesha and Justin come to realise that their approach to finances is vastly different: The couple are both given $1,000 in pretend money and they have to budget and spend the funds. Aesha happily and easily spends almost all of the money with only $7 left over, while Justin finds that he wants to save the majority of the money and only spend what he has to on necessary budgetary items like housing, utilities and paying bills. The difference is both surprising and a bit startling.
Ghita realises that the value differences between her clients is quite substantial, but she uses exercises and role play activities in the third hour to help them to reframe their differences into strengths. Ghita also helps the couple to discuss how they might each be able to compromise in relation to some of these value and cultural differences, and works with them to enhance their Reflective Listening Skills so that discussing potential compromises in the future can come more easily. To this end, they receive homework to do to carry-on what they have learned in session.
Working with Ghita allowed Aesha and Justin to reach an honest and open awareness of each of their needs and develop true empathy for each other’s cultural needs. Counselling helped them to reach a compromise about future situations, and even more importantly, they both felt really hopeful about their future together.
* Names altered.
JUSTIN AND AESHA: A story of different values
Justin and Aesha have known each other for about 1 year and been dating for about six months. Although they come from vastly different cultures, her family is Indian and his family is Anglo-Australian, they are deeply in love and plan to get married. Since they have not known each other a very long time, friends and family have suggested that a premarital counselling would be a good idea before they make any final commitment to each other.
As Justin and Aesha attend their workshop, they are both a bit anxious. They have never attended therapy or counselling and do not know what to expect. As they meet their pre-marriage counsellor for the first time, they are happy to find that they have a good rapport with Ghita and she is easy to talk to. Justin and Aesha are particularly assured after she carefully explains how she works with couples and her policy of ‘no secrets’ during the couples counselling process.
Aesha and Justin each talk about their experience of growing up, about family expectations around spiritual and religious beliefs and their values. Although Justin has spent time with Aesha’s family, he is surprised at the degree to which Aesha feels strongly about her Hindu religious beliefs and that she wants her children to have the benefit of everyday rituals. On the other hand, when Justin thinks of his own haphazard Anglican upbringing he admits to feeling a bit intimidated.
In the pre-marital plan, Ghita suggests that Justin and Aesha consider making an agreement regarding the religious upbringing of their children. At first, Justin and Aesha thought the suggestion was a little premature, however after some discussion, they both acknowledged that the issue of children and religion was hugely significant, especially to Aesha, and that one of the reasons they had decided to come to premarriage counselling in the first place was to address any major issues that might come up.
Consequently, a resolution about some of the big issues proved to be extremely difficult and fraught with emotion for both Aesha and Justin, and they were glad they had Ghita’s assistance to work through the problem. Yet through these discussions, Justin also discovered that if they made a decision to raise their children in the Hindu tradition, their decision would have ramifications for Justin and his family.
Through a budgeting exercise, Aesha and Justin come to realise that their approach to finances is vastly different: The couple are both given $1,000 in pretend money and they have to budget and spend the funds. Aesha happily and easily spends almost all of the money with only $7 left over, while Justin finds that he wants to save the majority of the money and only spend what he has to on necessary budgetary items like housing, utilities and paying bills. The difference is both surprising and a bit startling.
Ghita realises that the value differences between her clients is quite substantial, but she uses exercises and role play activities in the third hour to help them to reframe their differences into strengths. Ghita also helps the couple to discuss how they might each be able to compromise in relation to some of these value and cultural differences, and works with them to enhance their Reflective Listening Skills so that discussing potential compromises in the future can come more easily. To this end, they receive homework to do to carry-on what they have learned in session.
Working with Ghita allowed Aesha and Justin to reach an honest and open awareness of each of their needs and develop true empathy for each other’s cultural needs. Counselling helped them to reach a compromise about future situations, and even more importantly, they both felt really hopeful about their future together.
* Names altered.
Copyright Ghita Andersen 2022. Images by Freepik
