Schedule a date night once a week: A relaxing or enjoyable activity as a couple.
Allow each other some downtime after work. (Man cave, woman cave, Me Time).
Use positive Love Languages more. (Ghita uses the Gottman Method in couples therapy.) Marriages are a team effort. Turn towards not away.
Change up your predictable routines, especially those concerning your sex life and social activities.
Don’t put off counselling if you don’t know how to talk to each other anymore. Don’t leave it until things are irreversible (11th hour). Counsellors are not magicians.
Do something you enjoyed doing years ago together. Go somewhere you used to go years ago that has shared meaning.
Make humour part of everyday: Have a good laugh with a movie, role play or silliness. Plan fun couple and family activities.
Develop some common short and long-term goals together: Ask each other what your dreams are. See if there is a way to take baby steps toward these dreams and support each other.
Prioritise your marriage by making it a focus in your life, giving it your energy, time and attention in the same way you do with your career or children.
All partnerships have a ‘Marriage Jar.’ When couples are in trouble, their marriage jar is always running on empty. Two marbles go in for positive acts and words. Twice that go out for negative acts and words. See my ‘Marriage Jar’ blog: http://www.ghitaandersen.com/blog-of-ghita-andersen
Look at the things you use to love about your partner? What do you currently love? Focus on the positive. Shine the light on what you do like.
Stress and frustration push people away. Look into yourself on a deeper level to understand why you are resentful or angry. Sharing your vulnerable side with your partner creates a connection. Lack of intimacy, contempt and stonewalling ruins relationships.
Don’t expect your partner to give you all the love you need. Love comes in many forms from friendship, work colleague support, family networks etc. Get what you need from as many people and role models as you can. This is also important in case a partnership ever ends. Life is not a Disney Fairytale. Every person needs a community to get through life.
Reclaim the romance in your relationship. Without romance you have a ‘business relationship.’ When you make love with your partner, you create dopamine hormones. When physical touch gets lost and partners get out of the habit of being physically connected, these hormones diminish. A great starting point to reviving the physical side of your relationship is a hug or kiss goodbye. Take time to hug, hold hands, cuddle on the couch etc.
Turn your phones off from dinner time to 9pm. No excpetions!!! No social media until 9pm means that you have to talk to each other. My couples clients tell me that this one rule has changed so much about their communication.